I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize