just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
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