you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
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