why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
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Im just a social blackout drinker.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
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Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
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