a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
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