went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Randomize
