ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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