Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
