So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
