It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
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