Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Shame - the story of my life.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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