and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
