How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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