4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize
