just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
She's just so happy...and so naked.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
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