Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
