my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
Randomize
