need another drink. this is the easiest way
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Randomize
