How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
