none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
