hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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