I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
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i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
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