What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
