I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
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That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
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HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
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