Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize
