well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
My dad is sitting where you rode me
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
