My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
