He kissed a someone with a penis
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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