My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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