you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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