i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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