I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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