We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
