I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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