I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Randomize
