I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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