you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
I accidentally had phone sex last night
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
