If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I don't deserve a penis
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
