She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
As shirtless as possible
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize
