I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
