I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Randomize
