The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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