I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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