Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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