i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
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