oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Randomize
