Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Randomize
