So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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