So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
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