I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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