I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Randomize
