Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
