Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
Swine flu. Run for my life!
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
