ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
I checked into jail on foursquare
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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