So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
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