I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
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