Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Randomize
