sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
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