I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
