Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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