operation have a gay friend backfired
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Randomize
