I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
meet me or not, i'm out of control
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
