Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
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