So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
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