I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Randomize
