My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
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