so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Acid is not a monday night drug
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Even my vagina gasped.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Randomize
