Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
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