We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
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