you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Randomize
