i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
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