People with herpes should wear stickers.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Can vaginas get frostbite?
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
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