You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
PANTIES FOUND
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