I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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